You know, I think I will always remember how you came to the hospital for me.
That made me realize how much you were there for me.
I remember lying on the floor with Madelaine above me asking, "do you want me to call Ken?".
Yes I wanted to call you and say, "hi, I ate shit, I'm in a lotta pain. I need you next to me. you comfort me".
I wanted to say that, but I couldn't get off the floor.
That and I was too chicken-shit.
What I'm trying to say is: Thanks.
Life is so interesting.
It's a big, fun, enjoyable, sticky sweet, bittersweet game.
I know what the secret of life is.
Enjoy it, and act like a kid all the time.
Oh, and I know another secret... the master is...

I feel like the whole world's an ashtray
For there are those of us who always fall
Everytime we pick ourselves up
Something pushes us back down
As if our fingers that push have been cut
And our legs have been severed
We're blind and we don't know
No finger to push
And we don't feel the pain
But parted from our legs we fall down again
Katrina, at these moments
Every time I look back up
The master is...

God, I just thought of the weirdest thing.
I thought about what is after the galaxies.
I mean does the world ever stop?
What if there is a being out there in a different place a big thing, a kid maybe and we're just a game for him, or her whatever the case maybe.
How scary.
What if we’re in his backyard and his mom gets mad and throws us away?
Is THAT the end of the world? Huh?
I’m so afraid of the stupidest things.
I THINK of the stupidest things.
Don’t I?
And Ken, what was before the world?
If the human race gets killed off what’s there going to be?
I hate when I think about these things.
And Tony says I don’t think.
Well you know what else I think...the master is...

Lately I feel invisible.
No, its really as if I'm a stationary object that everyone else shuffles to avoid.
Come on, what's going to happen if they run into me?
Be forced to have a conversation; have to simply say 'hello'?
Even the doctors and nurses only seem to speak to me in the allotted amount of time.
I know my family is busy, they have their busy lives to live.
How I long to just ramble on in idle chatter.
Am I just an expense.
Have I outlived my usefulness?
Am I a... burden?
I remember long ago when I was the nurse.
But at that time I was also armed with a weapon.
When faced with the realization that we were both saving and taking lives
It was said that I could be heard on all the fronts
when I grabbed onto my C.O. and screamed...
God Damnit!
I knew it!
This whole fucking time!
The master is...